Humour

Chris Mitchell sent this one in with a slightly non-pc title which I won't use. By the way, the slight resemblance to Ronnie is accidental!

Chris obviously took exception to my censorship, as he followed this up with another which is less easy to doctor! He's obviously determined to upset the ladies...

If you come across any humourous photos or other material that you'd like to share, mail them to me, especially if you want to get your own back .

Here's one from Pete Hughes: The following is an actual advertisement in an Irish Newspaper!

"1985 Blue Volkswagen Golf. Only 15km. Only first gear and reverse used. Never driven hard. Original tyres. Original brakes. Original fuel and oil. Only one driver. Owner wishing to sell due to employment layoff."

Not content with upsetting all of the women, Chris now takes a shot at project managers:

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. Whilst he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper, "Can I have a technician Monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fitted a collar and lead, handed it to the customer. "That will be £5,000 pounds." said the shopkeeper. The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Most of them are only a few hundred pounds. Why did that one cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah, that monkey can change and fix tools,work on processes and support manufacturing - very fast no mistakes, well worth the money."

The tourist looked at a monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! £10,000 pounds ! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a engineer monkey; it can design processes, layout projects, mark-up drawings, write specifications, some even calculate. All the really useful stuff", said the shopkeeper.

The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own. The price tag around its neck read £50,000 pounds. He gasped to the shopkeeper, "That one costs more than all the others put together! What on earth does it do?" The shopkeeper looked up and replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but it says it's a projects manager."

Chris clearly decided he still could upset the ladies more, because he followed up with this one:

Driving to the office this morning on the M3, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new BMW doing 120 km per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple of seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane, STILL WORKING ON THAT MAKEUP !!! It scared me so bad, (I'm a man) I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the twins, ruined the damn phone and DISCONNECTED AN IMPORTANT CALL. BLOODY WOMEN DRIVERS!!